Shady Girls And Warmer Climates

I am in such a good place in my life right, I feel like I have opportunities that if you would've told me 5 years ago I'd have now, I would've said don't screw with me.There's only one thing I can't get past, and it's probably the one thing that everyone can relate to.I hate to be that person that writes about these kind of issues on the Internet as if for a sympathetic response or some half-hearted hug in the form of words.That's not what this is, at all.Every time I get so excited on a girl it's like, well I don't know what it's like, it just falls apart within a month...if that.I'm not an angel by any means when it comes to blowing it within relationships, I've burned more bridges and made more bad decisions than I care to think about or remember.

Imagine having the most perfectly suited, insanely smart, drop dead gorgeous woman, not girl, woman, in your life and not having the means to do anything about it, that's what I deal with daily it feels like.The easiest way to sum it up is, some guy's have all the luck.It is so unhealthy for me to dwell on that, I am beyond aware. I'm just sick of being the footnote to someone else's happiness, the back up plan, or friend.I've built up my standards so high, to meet the way she makes me feel, that it would be unattainable for anyone else to meet.So what I'm forced to do is shove that completely to the back part of my brain that no one uses, and continue about my day.

A letter to the cause :

I know I just threw that out there as if that's what is causing my problems in some deep rooted, psychological miss-fire, it's not.Not at all.It's been you in these past instances, mistaking my kindness for weakness, I'm not a fucking doormat.That feels incredible to say, liberating.The things I do, I did, were purely out of wanting to make your life easier, your always screwed predicaments into something more livable.Every gesture was pure, every compliment was untouched by a motive.I now know you never meant a word you said, not a single one.Thank you for giving me this experience, the tear in my thin string of trust I own.You'll never be her, you never were.Maybe one day you'll liberate your heart, like the children you fight for.Read this, like I read yours.